please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
