I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
