overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
