hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
