Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
