Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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