yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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