Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize