When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
