trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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