But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
