anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
