Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize