it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
