Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
