We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
