I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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