YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
