Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
