Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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