Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
50% drunk capacity currently
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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