The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
