I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
