It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
