remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
