Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
