i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
