Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
