I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize