there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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