I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're like the curious george of whores
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
