so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
