Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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