he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
