So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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