Christians are straight up FREAKS
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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