He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
