Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
