Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize