DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
