these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When are your genitals available?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
