If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
