ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
