Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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