I wannas sexs uuuuu
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
