worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
