And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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