you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think your dad took our porno
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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