Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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