Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
