I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize