nut hugger
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize