I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
