it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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