I need to stop coming to work sober
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
