I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
