One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
