i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize