I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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