I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
