your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
