last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize