I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
