I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
