whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
