dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
