I CAN MOONWALK!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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